So I guess we should talk about Twilight, huh?

I mean Obviously there is porn of that, right? Well actually not all that much that I really cared to find, but I'm sure it's out there. Lotta weird crap too, though.

We've got crude drawings!

Actually that ending would've definitely made the books better.

Also, these!

No good.

We've got a gay porn spoof!

You know how in old Westerns they'd have Italian actors playing he Indians? Well, now in the more enlightened totally Not Racist 21st century, we've still got Italians playing Indians, only now they're Quileute homo-werewolves instead of Apaches murdering white women.
Also no good. The guy playing Jacob (at the bottom there) reminds me way too much of Tommy Wiseau to be attractive. (And he's Italian so you know he's got some gross European accent too.) Plus he's a were-homo.

All pretty pedestrian. We want the weird stuff and Japan delivers!

You can buy these. They are full-body pillow-men ("manillows") with the faces of the two actors scrawled on them in sharpie by some insane Japanese lady, who sells these online. This girl is clearly gonna go all kiri-kiri-kiri on some poor schmuck. What is with the Japanese and those body pillows?

Hold on there James Franco, it's only a novel.

Oh and look at these panties:

Also, did you know that in the books Jacob, the gay were-beefcake "imprints" on a baby? What does that mean? It means he "loves" that baby and I've seen enough SVU's to know that means he wants to make time with that baby like woah. If that's your thing we've got porns of that:

It's not illegal if they're both underage.

Also this:

That is goddamn hilarious.

It says "Team Jacob" at the bottom there if you couldn't make it out.

OH SHIT! This is the most fucked up thing of all!
That is a felt "model" of Bella's womb! Her!! womb!! With her little succubus inside! (She gets pregnant with a vampire baby and it almost kills her, if you didn't know.) Holy fuck!

Shit! Alright?

If you've got nothing better to do, check This out. It's a site along the lines of fmylife.com where you can talk about how, like, totally Twilight your life is. Here's a couple, but they're all great.

Today as I'm driving down the highway i do what i usually do and look at other cars. As i do this I'm thinking of how amazing it will be to see Eclipse. The first car i see is a deep blue car brand: ECLIPSE....ironic. MLIT

#27125 - Mar 20, 2010 10:02 AM by Mrs.Janelle Cullen - My Life - So twilight! (292) - Needs more twilight.. (1296)

 No. It isn't.

 Today i was coughing like crazy and my brother comes running and yells in a joking way "Do we need to get you to a doctor?!" and all i can say between coughs is "CALL CARLISLE!!!" Its funny how the first thing that comes to my mind is twilight and not OMG im choking. MLI(always)T.

At least evolution still works.

Today, when I went to work, my boss called me in her office. She then proceeded to close the door and ask why I had glitter all over my face. Turns out my wife was nicer to me this morning because I "look more like Edward." She and my daughter did this while I slept. They both love Twilight. MLIT.

GodDAMN it.