Vampire sex toys!

Gentlemen! BEHOLD!

This is The Vamp from Tantus Direct. Do you see what it says there? It fucking SPARKLES! OMG twitards lol!

"The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow."

Wow. Could this get weirder? It can:

"The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience."

You cannae make this stuff up.

Bonus wackiness:

That there's a vampire mouth fleshlight. Which seems a bit odd because it's usually girls who like Twilight and girls don't tend to have penises.
Oh! I get it: it's for male gays!
Which brings me to my final point:
Twinklight!

With Edmond and

Billa.

This is exactly the gayest thing I've seen since the Winter Olympics. You can check out the PG version of the trailer here, if you're too ashamed to visit the site liked above and have that fey-fest of a website lying in your browser cache (I kind of am). But I gotta tell you, it's still pretty fucking gay.
The empenised trailer on the website has its moments I suppose, but I can't help thinking this whole affair's a wasted opportunity to see Taylor Lautner naked. And I do not even care what you think of me for saying that.