Monday, September 19, 2011

Boiled alive!


So, we've seen ladies-being-cooked-&-eaten porn before on this blog. Here's a website*, though, entirely devoted to ladies being boiled alive. Like, in giant pots, cartoon style.

The "Commentary" section of the site, wherein the author writes a little about his fetish and himself, I found it a little disappointing. He claims to be a pretty normal dude, who had a pretty normal upbringing, as he says,
For those psychologists and therapists who are reading this missive: no, there are no horrible childhood experiences that can be conveniently blamed for this fetish. I grew up in a exceedingly normal suburban setting with loving parents, no abuse, and two dogs.
Well, there's your problem. Suburbs, man, they will warp your mind.

Anyway, this guy says he was excited by peril at a young age. He liked to watch old Batman episodes "purely for [their] peril and bondage aspects." (Was there a lot of bondage in Batman?) He's into bondage in general, too. Beyond that, we don't get much of a glimpse into this guy's psyche, other than the images on his site, which are just precious.


Guy says his fantasies "revolve around peril but end with the hero or heroine meeting the planned gruesome fate." It's all about the women actually being boiled alive with this one and the pain and suffering and 'peril' attendant with it, but some of the images on his page frankly get a little campy, especially those in the "Art" section.
Why is she blue? Is this... Avatar porn too?

Some of them are also a little racist.

"Sausage gravy" is the least appealing euphemism for semen I've ever heard.
I like this one because of the jaunty Italian** in the background.

The "Photography" section features pictures of "higher" quality.

But they're still kind of racist.


He's also got some short stories on his page. I read through one of them, and skimmed a couple others. High quality stuff here. Let me give you a sample:
This story (Titled Pal Pot. Ha. Khmer Rouge jokes.) is about two "executives", Tina and Gina, who find themselves lost in the Amazon or something.

Tina glared at Gina. Gina glared back.
"This is all your fault!" snapped Tina.
"Is not!" Gina retorted.
"Is too!" said the other girl.
The two naked girls were sitting, face to face, in a huge, iron pot, up to their breasts in water. Logs were starting to blaze under the pot; the water was slowly warming. Both women had their hands and feet tied; they struggled, the water splashing, as they hurled accusations at each other.
Tina and Gina also act like 12-year-olds. Sexy. Tina & Gina get lost in the jungle and trapped by some locals.

There were, in fact, four natives brandishing spears and bows, dressed in loincloths and camouflage paint. One of them lowered a rope to Tina; the other climbed the tree and cut Gina down.
"Ooft," she grunted as she crashed to the soft jungle floor; the natives let out belly laughs, and continued to observe the two shapely white women closely.
"You think they can tell us where we can rent a car or something?" wondered Gina.
"Of course," said Tina. "We're Americans. Now," she said, turning to the tribesmen, "take us to your village." 

...
When they arrived, the village exploded into activity. Children ran up to them excitedly; the women sized them up. Gina and Tina were bewildered by all the interest. Grinning, the hunters called out; a large man in colorful garb emerged from a hut, and did a double take when he saw the women.
"This must be the chief," said Tina, and raced up to him. "We're Americans, chief," she said, breathlessly. "Can you get us a phone, or a car, or something? We're lost!"
At first, the chief didn't respond. Tina walked up next to her. "Gina...I don't think he understands English. And I don't think he has a phone, either."

It goes on like that. I find myself hating Tina & Gina. Like there's gonna be a Hertz rent-a-car in the middle of the Amazon or something. Stupid.
Eventually, many awkward sentences later Tina and Gina get cooked. I guess this is the money shot, so to speak:

On the platter was Tina. She had been attractively arranged, her long, luscious legs curled under her, the mango still filling her mouth. Her skin was red, the flesh underneath grown plump in the boiling water. Her belly had been split open, the entrails removed. She was surrounded by more of the vegetables cooked with her and Gina in the pot. The chief removed a large machete from his belt and began to carve the woman's carcass. He started with her back; Tina's loins, pale, pink and flavorful, were cut into chops and presented to the tribe's elders. With a lengthwise slit, the well-done meat of her thighs slid right off the bones and plopped invitingly onto a platter, to be carved into ham steaks. Some expert cuts, and boneless ribs were presented to the appreciative villagers. Drumsticks, the feet still attached, were claimed by two of the chief's nephews; gripping the woman's long, lean lower legs by her plump ankles, the young men sank their teeth into the fleshy calves.
At the other end of the table, Gina was being similarly butchered. Her large breasts, a special delicacy, were reserved for the hunting party. A cut around her waist, and another across her crotch, and the meat came off as a saddle, buttocks on one side, crotch on the other. As the tribe devoured the two girls' meat with great gusto, the chief motioned to the lead hunter, who ambled to the other side of the tables. The chief pointed to a slab of Tina's tender flesh, cut a slice, and offered it to the huntsman, who gratefully accepted it.
The chief then said, in perfect English, "I would say Tina's meat is tastier than Gina's."
The hunter's dark eyes twinkled. "Is not!" "Is too!" responded the chief, and the two roared with laughter...and as the rest of the tribe joined them.
Inside one of the huts, a telephone began to ring.[***]
What a twist! I like how the author can barely string two lines of intelligible dialog together, but he can so lovingly describe the presentation of Tina and Gina's cooked corpses.
Well this has been fun. I leave you with this:


*That link will send you to a warning page. If you don't look at porn sites regularly, allow me to enlighten you. Usually porn sites have an opening page, which usually has a little warning saying 'this site contains porn, you must be 18 to see the porn, if you don't want to see porn, go somewhere else' etc. etc., and two links you can click on. One says something along the lines of "Enter" or "Yes, show me the porn." and the other says "Exit" or "No, I do not wish to  see porn, take me out of here!" 
Inevitably, I always end up clicking "Yes", but sometimes I click on "No" too just to see where it takes me. These days you usually get sent to Google or something, but some sites get creative. I've been sent to MyLittlePony.com, for example. The website up top there, however, sends me to a site with an indiana.edu domain when I click the "No" option. Specifically, a type of website a professor might have. For those who don't know indiana.edu domains belong to Indiana University, whence I graduated. 
Now I'm pretty sure the site is just an aggregator of Internet weirdness, which I appreciate. I'm proud to have attended a university which employs the type of person who trolls the Internet looking for weird porn (Care to throw some "research grants" my way?)  On the off-chance that the author of the site is also the author of the "Boiled Alive" site, well, I'm still a little proud (IU, home of the Kinsey Institute and Internet weirdos!) but I'm also... what's the word? Unsettled. Yeah.
**Now who's being racist?
***But who was phone? I spend too much time online.

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