Oh dammit, I forgot to post something last week didn't I? Having a real job suck, everyone. Well, I promise you a real post before the weekend is out; meanwhile, here's a couple videos of some boys fucking chairs.

Gay Tube
Gay Tube

And here's a video of a guy cumming on a chair.

Gay Tube

Woah.

Oops! Looks like I forgot to post anything last week. Here's a video of a duck getting an erection*.

Slowed down by a factor of 10! Whoo nature's weird. And here's some weird dildo you can buy from a shady Chinese company on the Internet:

Humans are weird too.


P.S. The same company makes this little chef-shaped vibrator

who looks as puzzled as I am when I look at him.

*Actually, it's called an eversion. This blog is Ed-u-cation-al.

Happy Halloween!

Knitting!

When you read "knitting fetish" what do you imagine? Something like this?

Because I think of this.

Dear God! Where is its head?

Some knit fetishists seem to just enjoy the feeling of knit fabric on their skin. Others take it further...
Mohair—made from the very soft hair of the Angora goat—is popular though some folks prefer itchy itchy wool.

Aside from the feeling of soft fabric on skin, the pleasure of which is easily understandable even if you and I don't take it into the bedroom, a part of this fetish has to do with hiding the body behind thick fabric. Sometimes what's sexiest is what we can't see.

See?

Now things start getting weird.

A lot of people go for the whole-body outfit.

Like some kind of strange cult, these people wrap themselves in knitting. This is a form of bondage. Sensory deprivation, the heat and stuffiness, the inability to use ones hands and helplessness: these are all parts of the knit fetishists' desired experience.

Like some strange mediæval flagellant cult...*

...kneeling in the middle of a craft fair.

Some even have locks and straps woven into their suits.

This is flickr user Oompah1 in his own words: "Locked in place, with a hidden chain woven through the wool. I would like my wife to hold the key and not to free me until she felt like doing so - hours, or even days later. I could drink through a straw..."

I found most of these pictures about a year ago. I found them strange and fascinating then, also. Of course I've seen PVC and latex full-body fetish suits. I've seen gimp suits. But something about these weird knit people, their featureless facemasks... PVC and latex are shiny like plastic: your mind immediately recognizes that these materials are artificial. These knit suits—they are strangely organic.

The strange silence of this video is unsettling enough, the strange squirmy thing she does at the end is horrid.

Around two months after I first saw many of these images, I found myself spending a few days at my parents' home for Thanksgiving. My parents never like to turn the heat up very high. My old room in particular is always very cold, for some reason, so I always have to pile on the blankets to keep comfortable on chilly nights. One cold night I had a comforter, two quilts and and old knit blanket my grandmother made on my bed to keep warm.

In the early hours of the morning I had a dream. I walked into a dim room and there, sitting on the benches lining the walls of the room, were dozens of these knit people. Some of them with straps and chains around their necks, some with hands tied in front of them. Some here hunched over, others sat straight up, but they were all murmuring rhythmically, chanting. Aaaa. Aaaa. Aaaa. Aaaa.

As I stepped into the center of the room, suddenly they all snapped their heads up and look at me. Where I assumed their faces were turned to meet my gaze. Their chanting became louder. AAAA. AAAA. AAAA. AAAA. They all stood up and ambled towards me, their chanting ever more frantic, their arms reaching towards me. Horrible. I turned to leave the room but they were behind me too, closing in. AA! AA! AA! AA! AA! AA! AA! AA! AA! AA!
I woke up with a start and threw off my grandmother's knit blanket which I realized was covering my head.

—

 Let's take a look into one of these people's psyches. Oompah1, who we saw above, like to draw comics, when his mistress will let him.

I shudder to imagine what "the mummy" is.

Oompah1's art imagines a world where his fetish is common; a world where these knit people can be seen anywhere and they are considered attractive.

"Conditioning." Sounds like a psychologically disruptive cult to me.

And they trick unsuspecting victims into their lifestyle. "But aren't you lucky—choosing to stay here was the last choice you'll have to make!" If that's not horrific I don't know what is. Really. Imagine being in this scenario.

"I can't see or speak. Even breathing is an effort."

—

by Phyllis Galembo

These are the mmawu: undead spirits which live in holes in the ground. Periodically, they crawl out of their holes to entertain villagers or punish them for their misdeeds. These knit people come out at festivals in Nigeria. Many village people find them genuinely frightening. These strange faceless knit people represent undead spirits who live in holes in the ground. What do they know that we don't?

—

Now, every time I see someone knitting, every time I hear the clack of needles or I hear someone talk about how much they love their yarn and their needles and their hobby, I wonder... Do they want to be a knit person?

It takes time to make these outfits, you know. They are the result of obsession. Strange, sexual obsession. I imagine some people must knit these things themselves**, only to be bound up in them and locked in. It's like they're knitting their own burial shroud.

*I found this video after I wrote the comment.


**Though you can also buy them.

Demons!

Here are some pictures of sexy demon ladies!

Gay zombies!

Here's a fun film for you: L.A. Zombie. It's a gay zombie horror movie! And it's porn! Others claim it is art.

L.A. Zombie was directed by Bruce LaBruce, who also directed Otto; or Up With Dead People, another gay zombie movie (which, however, as far as I can tell, is not a porno). Judging from his filmography, LaBruce seems to have two main interests: violence & gay sex. We get lots of both in this movie!

Wikipedia describes the movie's plot thusly:

A homeless schizophrenic (François Saget), thinks he's an alien zombie sent to earth. Roaming the streets of Los Angeles in search of dead bodies, he tries to bring the dead back to life by engaging in homosexual sex.

This sounds like a winner, folks. I'm not entirely sure, though, about Wikipedia's synopsis; here's another:

The main protagonist rises from the sea, with as much clout and allure as Ursula Andress herself in that famous Bond scene. He's a zombie or maybe he's just a bit deranged and fancies himself as an undead creature. He sports canine teeth and is dressed like a homeless. Good looking young guys get killed or die in accidents. He finds them, gives them the fuck of life right into their wound, they open their eyes. They have become zombie too and lead the life of tramps around LA. People don't seem to even notice their presence.

Oh. So I guess that was pretty much it.

See it's like, a metaphor for how people ignore homeless people or for, like, how homosexuals are marginalized, like, by society.
Whatever. It's a gay porno with zombies & a lot of fake blood.

Some more points about the movie:

• It's star, François Saget, has a tattoo of hair on his head instead of hair on his head.*
• It was banned in Australia.
• There is a literal skullfucking in this movie. (If you watch the trailer, you can watch our protagonist caress the head-hole at about 2:15 in).
• The movie was shown in an art gallery, so even if it is terrible it may be Art, which makes it good. (Unless you're not pretentious enough to understand how.)
• Some of the actors in this movie were actual homeless people. That's pretty avant-garde, so I guess it's another point for Art.
• There is no dialogue in this movie. ART.
• Did I mention it's a hard-core porn? There is a lot of fucking in this movie.
• I'm sorry, it's not porn. It's Art.** I cannot stress this enough.
• Oh, Jesus this is the best part: here, it's stated that L.A. Zombie "features safe sex". Oh good. I was worried about that.

Art!

Porn!

*

I probably could've found  picture of him with his clothes on but why bother?

** Bruce LaBruce on art and porn: "All of my work has been about that line. You can situate yourself on either side of the line without really altering the work itself. I could take a picture for Honcho magazine, but can take the same image and put it in a frame in an art gallery, and it becomes art. For me that speaks to the arbitrary nature of those labels." via

Pumpkins!

I was Googling around for Halloween porn, and I came across this:

At first glance, I thought it was just a thumbnail of some dude fucking pumpkins. Whatever. If you've followed this blog for any length of time you've seen far weirder. But, on closer inspection we find something a little stranger.

Can you make it out?

Now, I've been hard-up for cash many times, and I've been horny many times. I've even been hard-up for cash and horny at the same time, but it's hard to imagine the amount of money I'd need to get payed to hide in a pile of hay, my ass towards heaven and painted like a pumpkin while some dude plows me from behind —even if I were a bimbo with questionable judgement.
I don't have a hard time understanding the guy's perspective, of course. It's a willing hole to fuck. That's pretty much where thought ends with a lot of guys.

I guess this one's supposed to be some kind of commentator. Is this a sport in some country? I also love that other, decorative gourds have been strewn about. Some thought and effort clearly went into staging these scenes.

Oh, and look we've go a before and after shot, too!

Gross. Straight people are gross.

You know, as strange as it would be to have my pumpkin-poon fucked, how weird would it be to be one of the other two girls, who, I guess, just sort of hung out while the middle pumpkin-lass got the business? As demeaning as this all looks, it's a little worse to basically be a prop right? That's literally dehumanizing.

P.S. On the same webpage I also found this:

At least the crab had the decency to lube up her (?) pincers—with butter, I assume.