Bums! In! Action!

Here's a website called Bums in Action. No, it's not some kind of silly British gay porn site, it's bums—you know, hobos—doing each other.

"It took us 7 years of hard camera work, 10 fines and 4 arrests to become world’s greatest producers of bum sex videos ever. The shit was worth it - you won’t see this mega-dirty street action anywhere."

Well sure you can. You just gotta hang out where bums hang out, which is why this site is so valuable to the hobosex enthusiast: who wants to hang out where bums hang out?

Grisha, 72, always dreamt of appearing in movies.

Vova, 35, eats food left in cemeteries. His nickname is Playboy, because the ladies can't resist him. I'm not making any of the captions up, even if the site's creators did.

There's at least a few things going on here.  Bums in Action caters to people who like seeing folks have sex in public, people who like seeing people who've been brutally beaten have sex,

This is Jura, 65. He "likes fucking with his socks on". He also gets beaten up a lot.

people who just like watching gross people have sex (it's a thing), people who are into old people,

This is Lesha. He is 37.

 and people who think Russian babes are hot.

Kolya, 51, had crabs last year. What he really appreciates in a woman is "spiritual purity."

See, the funny thing about Bums in Action is that all the models' (I guess) names look pretty Russian (or something. These folks definitely come from some ex-soviet state or another.). I always though Russia might've been a pretty bleak place these days, but apparently even the bums are getting a piece. It's truly the Non-workers' Paradise, though!

Some Thumbnails for your pleasure.

 Is this site exploitation? Probably. Do I care?

No.

Monday Quickie!

Because I forgot to post anything last Wednesday, you get two things today! So, on the topic of things that come in pairs:

Boiled alive!

So, we've seen ladies-being-cooked-&-eaten porn before on this blog. Here's a website*, though, entirely devoted to ladies being boiled alive. Like, in giant pots, cartoon style.

The "Commentary" section of the site, wherein the author writes a little about his fetish and himself, I found it a little disappointing. He claims to be a pretty normal dude, who had a pretty normal upbringing, as he says,

For those psychologists and therapists who are reading this missive: no, there are no horrible childhood experiences that can be conveniently blamed for this fetish. I grew up in a exceedingly normal suburban setting with loving parents, no abuse, and two dogs.

Well, there's your problem. Suburbs, man, they will warp your mind.

Anyway, this guy says he was excited by peril at a young age. He liked to watch old Batman episodes "purely for [their] peril and bondage aspects." (Was there a lot of bondage in Batman?) He's into bondage in general, too. Beyond that, we don't get much of a glimpse into this guy's psyche, other than the images on his site, which are just precious.

Guy says his fantasies "revolve around peril but end with the hero or heroine meeting the planned gruesome fate." It's all about the women actually being boiled alive with this one and the pain and suffering and 'peril' attendant with it, but some of the images on his page frankly get a little campy, especially those in the "Art" section.

Why is she blue? Is this... Avatar porn too?

Some of them are also a little racist.

"Sausage gravy" is the least appealing euphemism for semen I've ever heard.

I like this one because of the jaunty Italian** in the background.

The "Photography" section features pictures of "higher" quality.

But they're still kind of racist.

He's also got some short stories on his page. I read through one of them, and skimmed a couple others. High quality stuff here. Let me give you a sample:
This story (Titled Pal Pot. Ha. Khmer Rouge jokes.) is about two "executives", Tina and Gina, who find themselves lost in the Amazon or something.

Tina glared at Gina. Gina glared back.
"This is all your fault!" snapped Tina.
"Is not!" Gina retorted.
"Is too!" said the other girl.
The two naked girls were sitting, face to face, in a huge, iron pot, up to their breasts in water. Logs were starting to blaze under the pot; the water was slowly warming. Both women had their hands and feet tied; they struggled, the water splashing, as they hurled accusations at each other.

Tina and Gina also act like 12-year-olds. Sexy. Tina & Gina get lost in the jungle and trapped by some locals.

There were, in fact, four natives brandishing spears and bows, dressed in loincloths and camouflage paint. One of them lowered a rope to Tina; the other climbed the tree and cut Gina down.
"Ooft," she grunted as she crashed to the soft jungle floor; the natives let out belly laughs, and continued to observe the two shapely white women closely.
"You think they can tell us where we can rent a car or something?" wondered Gina.
"Of course," said Tina. "We're Americans. Now," she said, turning to the tribesmen, "take us to your village." 

...
When they arrived, the village exploded into activity. Children ran up to them excitedly; the women sized them up. Gina and Tina were bewildered by all the interest. Grinning, the hunters called out; a large man in colorful garb emerged from a hut, and did a double take when he saw the women.
"This must be the chief," said Tina, and raced up to him. "We're Americans, chief," she said, breathlessly. "Can you get us a phone, or a car, or something? We're lost!"
At first, the chief didn't respond. Tina walked up next to her. "Gina...I don't think he understands English. And I don't think he has a phone, either."

It goes on like that. I find myself hating Tina & Gina. Like there's gonna be a Hertz rent-a-car in the middle of the Amazon or something. Stupid.
Eventually, many awkward sentences later Tina and Gina get cooked. I guess this is the money shot, so to speak:

On the platter was Tina. She had been attractively arranged, her long, luscious legs curled under her, the mango still filling her mouth. Her skin was red, the flesh underneath grown plump in the boiling water. Her belly had been split open, the entrails removed. She was surrounded by more of the vegetables cooked with her and Gina in the pot. The chief removed a large machete from his belt and began to carve the woman's carcass. He started with her back; Tina's loins, pale, pink and flavorful, were cut into chops and presented to the tribe's elders. With a lengthwise slit, the well-done meat of her thighs slid right off the bones and plopped invitingly onto a platter, to be carved into ham steaks. Some expert cuts, and boneless ribs were presented to the appreciative villagers. Drumsticks, the feet still attached, were claimed by two of the chief's nephews; gripping the woman's long, lean lower legs by her plump ankles, the young men sank their teeth into the fleshy calves.
At the other end of the table, Gina was being similarly butchered. Her large breasts, a special delicacy, were reserved for the hunting party. A cut around her waist, and another across her crotch, and the meat came off as a saddle, buttocks on one side, crotch on the other. As the tribe devoured the two girls' meat with great gusto, the chief motioned to the lead hunter, who ambled to the other side of the tables. The chief pointed to a slab of Tina's tender flesh, cut a slice, and offered it to the huntsman, who gratefully accepted it.
The chief then said, in perfect English, "I would say Tina's meat is tastier than Gina's."
The hunter's dark eyes twinkled. "Is not!" "Is too!" responded the chief, and the two roared with laughter...and as the rest of the tribe joined them.
Inside one of the huts, a telephone began to ring.[***]

What a twist! I like how the author can barely string two lines of intelligible dialog together, but he can so lovingly describe the presentation of Tina and Gina's cooked corpses.
Well this has been fun. I leave you with this:

*That link will send you to a warning page. If you don't look at porn sites regularly, allow me to enlighten you. Usually porn sites have an opening page, which usually has a little warning saying 'this site contains porn, you must be 18 to see the porn, if you don't want to see porn, go somewhere else' etc. etc., and two links you can click on. One says something along the lines of "Enter" or "Yes, show me the porn." and the other says "Exit" or "No, I do not wish to  see porn, take me out of here!" 
Inevitably, I always end up clicking "Yes", but sometimes I click on "No" too just to see where it takes me. These days you usually get sent to Google or something, but some sites get creative. I've been sent to MyLittlePony.com, for example. The website up top there, however, sends me to a site with an indiana.edu domain when I click the "No" option. Specifically, a type of website a professor might have. For those who don't know indiana.edu domains belong to Indiana University, whence I graduated. 
Now I'm pretty sure the site is just an aggregator of Internet weirdness, which I appreciate. I'm proud to have attended a university which employs the type of person who trolls the Internet looking for weird porn (Care to throw some "research grants" my way?)  On the off-chance that the author of the site is also the author of the "Boiled Alive" site, well, I'm still a little proud (IU, home of the Kinsey Institute and Internet weirdos!) but I'm also... what's the word? Unsettled. Yeah.
**Now who's being racist?
***But who was phone? I spend too much time online.

Sunday quickie!

Axilla!

"In the armpits...a sweet and melancholy odor emanated from the growth of hair, and in the sweetness of this odor was contained, somehow, the essence of young death."
--Yukio Mishima, everyone's favorite ultra-right-wing Japanese nationalist bisexual author seppuku-commiter, and just generally an odd duck.

Armpits! Not erotic! Except I guess some folks really think they are sexy?
Some people are into shaven armpits, some people are into shaving armpits, some people are even into armpit stubble. Some people really like the smell of armpits. Then there's this:

Alright I had a bunch of things planned out for this blog post but then I found these two things and I think they pretty much sum everything up:

Say this sentence to yourself: "I want you to cum in my armpit so I can scoop up your semen with a spoon".

I found this one bundled with a story. A story about armpits. I really wont to share the whole thing with you (what you can find here); instead I'll just share some highlights. (Formatting and emphasis in original. Bold formatting choices for a bold man (who may not speak English as a first language).)

"Today confronted with loveliest pair of UNDERARMS EXPOSED IN
REGAL SPLENDOR, (right under my nose, lol) ...
Armpit gods have mercy, they stunk to high heaven!!!!!!!!! Egad, well now to get in there and LICK THE STINKY ARMPIT."

Then:

"...the AROMA spelled orange scented dirty gym sock with
somewhat fishy undertones, from a slick sticky raft of matted moist stubble, and still longer stubble..."

And, then the best part:

"Here and then, COCK (deployed in vaginal slam) said "I WANT IN!" and so, two beginners in world of STINKY ARMPIT FUCKING, tried a few different positions in hasty endeavor."

Oh my goodness. I'm pretty sure this was mechanically translated from like, Lower Sorbian or something, but I don't care; "COCK deployed in vaginal slam" is about the best summation of a sex act as I've ever heard. I don't know what it means but it sounds horrible.
I saw a bunch of images like the three up there and I thought "Huh! That's kind of weird!" about armpit fetishists and then I read that little story and I was more like "Oh. That's kind of weird." about armpit fetishists. One person, sweet_southern_girl_07 commented on this lovely story, echoing my own feelings exactly:

P.S. Actually, just one more point. If you're a man who's into lady pits, this is actually a pretty simple fetish to satisfy, right? Between ladies wandering around with all their sleeveless tops

There are entire websites devoted to celebrity armpits. Pits of the rich and famous.

& dudes running around with no tops you've got a whole wide world of free porn. Nice!

...and we're back!

It's a new exciting school year, everyone. I'm not in school but that doesn't mean I can't share your misery. Got a few fun things in the works, but for now, I'd like to share with you this porn I found recently:

Gay Tube
Seems like a pretty normal gay porno: two dudes getting it on on a saddle in a barn, because that's manly and gay dudes like manly things. It stays pretty normal (and pretty boring, but you gotta love that soundtrack!) until right at 11:40 (where it becomes less boring, but not in a good way). I always know when "feet" or "foot" is in the title (Stable Stallion Feet, which sounds like something a Japanese teenager would put on a t-shirt) I'm in for a wacky time, but, did you even know you could do that with feet? It had literally never occurred to me that this was a thing you could do with feet.
At about 15 minutes in you get a close-up on the face of the bigger guy who's getting, er, foot-fucked, and, I can't tell what exactly his expression is. Arousal? Frustration? Shame or is he just wondering how he'll explain his career to his family? I feel like this would be a hard to porn to shoot if you're not really into feet. "Oh, yeah, Greg, give it to me. Rub your cock all over my feet", "mm your feet are hot, why don't you let me fuck them?" "You've got some nice high arches there, I bet they'd fit my dick real nice" are sentences you just can't fake enthusiasm for unless you have Julliard-level acting skills, and, well, I don't think James Lipton's going to be interviewing either of our "stallions" here anytime soon.
Ew! and then the skinny guy licks the big guy's cum-covered feet and I'm done summarizing this for you, just watch the video.

So here's to a new year (or several months, or a couple weeks, however long before I get bored, whatever) of sex acts you never saw coming.

Anomie!

One of my New Year's resolutions was to update this blog more regularly. Oops. Well, for real this time, 2011, I'll try to keep to a weekly schedule. Won't say what day though, gotta keep some of the mystery.

The reason I went on a two-month hiatus, essentially, isn't laziness, but boredom. Porn is boring. Even the weird stuff I post here: it bores me to tears. Once you've seen one extreme ball torture enthusiast you've seen them all, as the saying goes.

Well, nothing really shocks or surprises me anymore. Oh, this lady likes to get triple penetrated. Oh, this one likes hot chillies shoved up her nose when she fucks. Oh, here's a man who likes to have his penis encased in ice...

Ho-hum. Carve yourself an ice vagina with a chainsaw and fuck it, then maybe I'll say something about it. This is weird, but it sure is a boring picture. Certainly not as interesting or extreme as "ice hole fetishist" might initially look.

Basically what I'm saying is I've been drifting listlessly around the 'net looking for something to pique my interest what would make a decent post. I've got some OK ideas...
I may be bored but I will soldier on, for you, my one reader. I had to explain what a gimp suit was to my friend the other day. That's like, Unusual Porn 101, so clearly there's a need for an educator of my caliber.

Whatever. I haven't found anything stellar yet, but here's some stuff:

I really hate this hairdo on girls. It looks like she's wearing a mushroom helmet.

From Wikipedia: "Black velvet paintings originate in ancient Kashmir, the homeland of the fabric. These original paintings were generally religious and portrayed the icons of the Caucasus region which were painted by Russian Orthodox priests."

 When I'm rich, I'm commissioning this artist to decorate my kitchen.

 Did you hear that Pope Benedict XVI recently exonerated the Jews for Jesus' death? It seems like there's some kind of joke I can make about that here.

Well, there's nothing sexier than a broad who knows how to "do the laundry", yeah? She probably spent a minute contorting herself into this pose, placing her boobs just so. Jesus...

 Real women don't need to pose. They just stand there, still as a statue, and smirk as their sexuality washes over you.

You laugh, but if a photographer asked me to make a face like a sexy little unicorn that's exactly the face I'd end up making. This man knows the business.

 This one, meanwhile... He's got a good build, and if he weren't Greco-Roman wrestling a guitar I'd be more turned on.

That's it. I think a couple month's rest did me some good. Now I'm fresh and ready to get back to insulting strangers' sex lives.