Turtle power!

Remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? How the fuck did anyone ever come up with that idea? I mean, pretend you'd never heard of the show and really think about. What a weird concept, right?
Well, what might for you and I evoke nostalgia for others evokes a raging boner. Here is some porn:

Of course, all the turtles wanted to fuck April. This is probably the most accurate portrayal of human-turtle relations. --> Compare.

Or pee on her, I guess.

Or, ah.... hm. Moving on.

Were there girl turtles? I don't remember any. Maybe they added them later, once some one realized the bestiality angle? 

 Awful lot of this kind of thing out there.

 Teenage Mutant Ninja Dicks, I guess?

 That's Leonardo jacking off on to Michelangelo's stuff, for those keeping score.

 Is this some kind of joke about infinite regress?

It occurs to me, suddenly, that these are teenage mutant ninja turtles. Man, are we looking at a bunch of jailbait here? Does this count as statutory something-or-other?

There's the four of them going at Splinter, the sensei. I think. Hard to tell. I like how this artist gave the picture a sort of patina, let's call it, to make it look old-timey or fancy or some such. My point is that "HERMIT" is proud of this.

By the way, there is a disproportionate amount of porn devoted to Splinter. I find this odd, for some reason.

To think I could've gone my whole life without seeing this. But I do it for you. 

Well, that's about all I can take. Happy Friday.

Planet porn!

According to my sources, there is a star out there called 24 Sextanis. It is orbited by two recently discovered planets called Sex b and Sex c. In honor of this, science's most recent triumph, I give you Planet Porn!

OK, but this looks like more of a joke than actual porn.

This, if you couldn't tell, is a depiction of the Shoemaker-Levy comet fragments which crashed into Jupiter in 1994. This is closer to real porn. We see Jupiter crying as the comet rams its hole.

That's more like it. This is classic Internet. We've got weird-ass crap piled on weird-ass crap. Also, an inadequate understanding of physics.

I searched 'Pluto porn' and came up with this. You don't want to see the other things people have drawn Pluto doing, let me tell you. The clown is speaking a weird mix of French and Spanish, I guess. No one knows what it wants. This is artistic in its own way. I would hang this on my wall.

God damn it can't these anticorporatist types stay out of porn? Must they ruin everything? (The space-wolf's little shirt there reads "Corporate America" and he's "fucking the Earth to pieces!!!!" as the smaller wolf on the surface of the globe says.) I hate whatever suburban wannabe revolutionary drew it.[1] This is the worst political cartoon I've ever seen. Simultaneously, I wish I could see more cartoons like this in the editorial section.

If you want to draw a furry molesting our planet, this is how you do it.

 This is a PSA for prophylactics. But I thought I'd include it as porn because someone clearly spent a lot of loving care on this drawing, if you know what I mean. It's the kind of conceptual masterpiece you expect to find on only the best prog rock album covers, but all gussied up like a Japanese fetish.

[1] You can be the type of person who draws their own half-baked political misconceptions in the form of furry porn and manage not to get arrested or killed. You are not oppressed and the USA's doing just fine, thankyouverymuch.

Dog play!

I'm quoting wipipedia (the [specifically] London fetish scene wiki) here:

Dog play, also known as puppy play or doggy play, is a roleplay where one or more of the participants (male or female) pretends to be, or is forced to act, like a dog or puppy.

Dog play is, of course, only the tip of the smutberg. There are all sorts of animal role play fetishists, the most common (as far as I can tell care to find out) being pony, cat and of course the dog players. I don't really have the will to research pony-tail buttplug suppliers right now and Catpeople are weird enough on their own so let's just concentrate on Dog Play.

I'd like to call attention to the dog-paw-shaped "bondage mittens". (Yes that what those are called)

Let it be clear that these people are not furries; this is a whole 'nother animal (Word Play!) entirely. These people aren't focused so much on dressing like a great big stuffed dog so much as actually being treated like one. This fetish is all about the submissive/dominant dynamic that really defines BDSM. Well that and complex, expensive sex props. BDSM is all about props.

This costs almost $300

Leather bone: $50. Rubber terrier hood: $324

$249.95

Take a look at this. (It's on sale right now for $63.96)

And there it is in use. This man is on a public sidewalk.

This man is drinking water out of a toilet bowl shaped dog food dish.

See what I mean? It's all about the props. You've probably noticed that these are all man-puppies, but ladies can get in on the action too!

This bitch is in heat.

Here is a film you can check out:

It is called "Pup" and it is about "two out, gay, Christian leathermen ~Master Skip and Pup Tim~ [who] prepare to compete  in the International Puppy Contest, a leather title contest for pups and their handlers." Yes of course there's a contest. Are you really surprised? The International Pup Contest has a website, of course, and you should really see it.


Also a website devoted to dudes who are into pup play: here. You have to be a member to see anything but the members' names are charming enough on their own. There's one guy whose handle is "cornflakes". That's a cute name for a puppy, I guess. We've got the less creative "humandog" and we've got "cumshotter", which is a really awful name for a puppy.*

And then Japan goes and weirds it up a few notches.

This was labeled as "pregnant dog".

This lady's site is just filled with oddness. I'll probably devote a whole post to her soon.
But I digress.

 Ha ha.




*Speaking of names for dogs, in Welsh, the word for "dogs" is "cŵn", pronounced [ku:n] or "coon" for the IPA-challenged. I wish I was Welsh so I could get away with yelling "come here, coon!" across a park to make my dogs come to.

P.S. Did you know that there is a BDSM/Leather pride flag? There is!

And folks who enjoy dog play have a flag too.