Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving!

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Pop Tarts!

Have you seen this pop-tart commercial?

You probably have; you might not remember it. At least one person saw it and made this:
I agree, though. A Pop-Tart is not a satisfactory breakfast. (A Toaster Strudel, maybe.)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Group Sex! Group Sex! Group Sex ! Group Sex!

I'm not really sure what to do with this. These are videos of some 500 couples going at it on a warehouse floor some in Japan, presumably.
Is this some kind of Moonie thing? I'm seeing a lot of white; is the Pana-Wave Laborotory throwing a tin-foil-lined orgy?

The shit, Japan! What is this?
You ever seen the way Asian people line up in rows in public parks, all over the place, and they all do synchronized exercises? Is it that kind of thing? Are people in Japan so uptight and busy that they can only have sex square-dancing style at a pre-scheduled time? That's fucked up!

Imagine what that room smells like. Imagine what it's like to be one of the cameramen. It's not often on a job you have to watch your step do carefully to avoid trodding on people having sex. Or maybe this is a run-of-the-mill thing with these guys. Maybe it's like Disneyland where a camera takes a picture of you on the roller coaster.

Maybe this makes perfect sense to a Japanese person. Maybe this is an ordinary thing that ordinary people do. It all raises entirely too many questions to be comfortable.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Double baseball bats!

Here is a video of a woman shoving two baseball bats into her anus. Actually, if you look close,you notice she's also shoved a baseball up there before the start of the video. Then she shoves the baseball bat up her ass. About two minutes in, she takes the bat out of her ass and into her mouth. Then at about 3:10, the baseball pops out of her and she giggles. It goes on like that.

There are entirely too many videos of women putting baseball bats into themselves. Entirely too many of those women put the bat into their asses. Is this a thing? Is it attractive to have a distended asshole? Who knows. Apparently it is, to some segment of society, and that should bother you, just a little.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Dia de los Muertos porn!

You realize necrophilia is a real thing, right? They've got porn.
Mostly necro-porn's just photoshopped pictures of regular people -- not necessarily pornographic pictures either, which I think is really the weird part.
 
Not necessarily even good photoshopping. I mean, come on, her eyes are open! Weak!
Better.
That's all pretty fucked up, but it gets weirder. There are websites where one can find morgue photos of people, famous or otherwise. To be clear: there are people out there who like to look at pictures of dead people and masturbate. (Since it's election day I'd like to remind you that all those people are allowed to vote, for some reason.)
Again, pretty fucked up, and I gotta tell you, there is some fucked up shit at these websites. I never knew what a gutted corpse looked like before I wrote this post but now I do.
As messed up as that all is, at least it's only pictures. Remember, porn isn't some frivolous perversion, it's really the only thing keeping the unwashed basement onanists of the world from actually realizing their fantasies with real people. Or murdering everyone out of frustration. Porn is Extremely Important for this reason alone.